Gilchrist waltzed down the pitch and hit a straight drive, the most majestic of the shots in cricket. The ball scorched the grass on its way to the sight-screen. I waited eagerly for the action-replay but alas, the next second the screen was filled with four nubile females lifting their legs in unison revealing frilled panties which were obviously tailored to be seen than for the purpose for which they are worn. Some of my hand-kerchiefs are larger than the skirts they wear and their bikini top revealed more than it covered. Female anatomy, the exhibition of which has been used to sell anything from pins to pan masala and mustard oil to motor cars from time immemorial, has entered the sports arena too and it appears that the trend has come to stay. Sad.

I am not a prude. Not by a long shot but I firmly believe that everything has a place and time. Skimpy dresses and bulging bosoms have no place in the cricket field or in any other sporting arena. Of course, it has to be the Americans who started this practice and of course the whole world apes America. The so called cheer-leaders in American sports like basketball and baseball take this seriously and have taken it to another level of rhythmic gymnastic exercises. The gyrations, twists and turns of the girls hired specifically for the purpose of dancing in the cricket matches are way-off the mark. They stretch and they jerk but by no stretch of imagination they can be called gymnastic exercises. Only jerks would want to see them on the cricket field. The whole thing appears to be a cheap stunt to attract spectator interest. Why would any one think of employing semi-nude women to attract spectators to a cricket match in India beats me!? It looks like a very cheap gimmick and cricket can do very well without such degenerations. I cannot see a connoisseur of the game appreciating such distractions on the field. It is an unwanted and unwarranted intrusion to sport and worthy of absolute condemnation.

“Pardon me ma’am, your slip is showing” is a phrase from the Victorian era when it was considered indecent to show one’s underwear. How standards have changed! Now, it appears that dresses are made to reveal underwear. Nothing but exhibitionism. If you have’em, flaunt’em. The skirts worn by the tennis players are good examples. If the length of the skirt is thought of as an impediment to play and so the hem keeps going up and up to reveal the crotch itself, why wear a skirt at all! They might as well play in bikini just as how the dames in beach volleyball do. It looks gross but at least it is not hypocritical in the sense that they are not trying to hoodwink anybody into thinking that they are attired in decent clothes. Gabriela Sabatini, heart-throb of millions once changed her shirt right on the court, behind a ‘screen’ of ball-boys and girls. What false modesty! All she had to do was to lift her arms high and her entire underwear could be seen. And her sweat-stained shirt would reveal even the floral print in her underwear and so why did she need a screen at all? Boys refer to women not very well endowed as “tennis courts” but exposing over-sized mammary glands on the tennis court is far from being attractive. Serena Williams’ flesh bulges make me want to throw up.

Having made a discourse about the obnoxious vulgarity of exposing female flesh in sport, I must conclude with a few words about the hypocrisy of Indians in this matter. Moves are already afoot to ban these cheer-leader dances during the IPL matches and I am sure that very soon someone would file a public interest litigation. (After all PIL is an anagram of IPL) No other nation exhibits (pun intended) so much double standards when it comes to matters of morality. We have an archaic Immoral Traffick Act but also permit whole areas like Kamatipura in Bombay to exist. The oldest profession in the world flourishes in India like no other business. We have a so-called Censor Board to pass verdict on what should be screened but the members seem so bored these days that they pass everything other than total nudity. People who wouldn’t know patriotism even if they hit it on the roads, drag famous personalities to court for showing disrespect to our flag. Flagging morals go unnoticed. “Item dance” is euphemism for “record dance” where a voluptuous female dances to the tune on a record, watched (ogled will be more appropriate) by a crowd of lusting, salivating men. This has been going on in our country-side for decades. Nobody gives a damn. We always skirt the issue, very conveniently.

Take this latest movie Tashan. I am forced to see clips of the ads during cricket matches and every single shot is that of a group of semi-nude dancers prancing around a male. Every single female is dressed (or undressed, if you like) worse than the cheer-leaders in question. Now, if you can permit such a movie to be screened without restricting it to adults, why raise such a hue and cry about the nubile belles on the cricket field!? As always, we are never at the right place at the right time but excel at doing things for the wrong reason and at the wrong time. Falsies, if you ask me.